How Many Wants is Too Many Wants?

How Many Wants is Too Many Wants?

I begrudgingly woke up one Wednesday morning. It seemed too dark outside. The bed felt cosy, and I turned to check the time. 6.30 AM. One whole hour before my alarm was scheduled. I groaned, rolled over and tried to fall asleep again. 

‘I want to sleep peacefully’.

Soon 7.30 AM became eight and I forced myself up. Slowly, going through the motions of the morning, I walked into my shower. I turned the tap open. The cold water shook me awake. I tried adjusting it to the right mix of hot and cold.

‘I want to have a warm shower’.

Quickly I showered, changed into my office clothes. Brushing my hair and carefully picking my accessories to match my clothes, I peered closer into the mirror. I reached out for my eyeliner.

‘I want to look good’. I sprayed a spot of perfume on my pulse points. ‘I want to smell nice throughout the day’.

It was time for the cab to arrive. I rushed about packing my food, grabbing my water bottle and hardly getting time to have my breakfast. 

‘I want to have a hot breakfast at leisure’.

I reached work, only to find my other colleagues coming late. To top it off, someone had moved my chair somewhere else.

‘I want everyone to be on time. And is it too much to ask and want for my chair to remain untouched?’

A flurry of activities and a few hours later, I found myself staring at the desktop clock tick away. Wondering if my tasks would get over in time, I kept gesturing to my friend to wait for me and that we would get lunch together.

‘I want to finish this meeting quickly and go for lunch’.

At lunch, after carefully scanning the menu at a nearby eatery, I resigned myself to eating what I thought was a safe bet.

‘I want to eat something else, but the doctor has placed restrictions on my diet’.

A few more hours later at work, a sense of restlessness began setting in. It was early evening and generally this is when things pick up pace after a post-lunch lull. But everyone keeps looking up jittery every now and then.

 ‘I want tea. I will be able to function properly only then’.

After a short tea break, I get back to work. The hours fly by. Two things remind me that it is time for the day to end. A concerned call from my mother asking if I will be home for dinner, and the eventually emptying office, leaving me staring at my screen in isolation.

‘I want the ride home to be free of traffic, and as smooth as possible’.

I reach home exhausted, quickly finish dinner and other household chores. My body is sore and craving to hit the bed. But as I sit on my bed and introspect about my day, I catch all these moments I have entertained so many other desires.

‘That dress is on discount. I want to buy it for a friend’s wedding’.

‘It’s been so long since I took a vacation, I want to travel so badly’.

‘I haven’t met my friends in a while, I want to go out with them during the weekend’.

‘So many shows are on my watchlist, so many books waiting to be read. I want to do all of it’.

‘It’s getting too hot. I want it to rain’.

Phew! Just like that, subconsciously, I have been entertaining so many desires in a single day, within my head. It seems like the wants do not have any end. It only gets worse and the list gets longer on days when the mind runs amok. 

But not tonight, I tell myself. I set my bed and slip into a comfortable position beneath the covers.

‘I want to sleep peacefully’.

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Chinmaya Udghosh