Balancing Tradition and Personal Growth

I am in the 11th grade, and a lot of my classmates are already dating. I have been brought up in a conservative family, and I know my parents would not approve of me dating right now. However, I do not see any harm in dating as long as it does not affect my studies. I am confused about what to do.- Samhita Rai, Kolkata.In our Vedic culture, life was viewed as a journey through the four Ashrams or stages of life. They are namely Brahmacharya, Grihastha, Vanaprastha and Sannyasa. Each of these stages has a main purpose around which the duties entailed by that Ashram revolve. So, in the case of Brahmacharya, the duties revolve around education and character development, which would be the basis for the next ashram, which is the householder life. Only when one’s overall personality is well developed, and identity is holistic can one take on the responsibilities that a healthy relationship entails.Brahmacharya was the basis of realising and channelising all the energies of the student to focus on the path of holistic self and identity development. For such development, celibacy or healthy sense control was suggested. Similarly, the famous psychoanalyst Erik Erikson’s stages of Psychosocial Development suggest that the stage of identity development precedes the stage of intimacy development. He states that if each stage of development is handled well and a person masters that stage of development, then they feel a sense of well-being and achievement that helps to strengthen entry into the next stage. This implies that an individual first needs to handle their own identity development as reflected by their aspirations and have self-clarity before they can engage in any intimate relationships. Thus, at this stage, when you’re in the 11th grade, you have just entered a more expansive field of exploration than earlier, which needs your complete focus and attention; to make the best choices with regard to your further education and career. At this point, if all your energy is given to self-development without any other distractions of a sensual nature, then it may pave the way for healthy growth, as suggested by both ancient Vedic wisdom and current research and study.

Balancing Tradition and Personal Growth

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