Leave the Loop

You live out the confusions until they become clear.Anais Nin, American essayist.Have you seen the movie Groundhog Day? It’s a ‘90s movie where the protagonist lives the same day all over again, many, many times. At first, he is surprised by it. Then he is deluded by it. He becomes depressed next, and then finally, he learns how to break the loop. In the period between delusion and wisdom, he goes through the same day, making terrible choices without facing any consequences for them. Mind you, this was over thirty years ago, and the character still had the same vices which plague society today—binge eating, alcoholism, philandering and robbery. The misery gets to him.He decides then that if he has to live the day again, he might as well do it for the right reasons. He starts to help people around him, picks up new skills and indulges in positive pursuits. He becomes a more sincere and committed individual and eventually breaks the loop.Some days I find myself thinking if I am living the same day over and over again. My routine is pretty much unaltered. My work remains the same. I observe that there are hardly any signs of progress on my personal goals. And worse, I even repeat some mistakes (both at the office and in my spiritual journey). Why do I have to go through this? When does this end?Now, imagine a larger loop. Not just the day, but what if this life is being played on repeat? We are born, we go through life’s pangs, and we die. In the interim, the rollercoaster takes us on every possible experience—probably summers with our cousins, triumphs on the sports field, a heartbreak, the loss of a beloved, physical pain, career highs, the birth of a child, old age—you get the gist. Like the character in Groundhog Day, perhaps until we realise how this loop can be nerve-racking, we are lulled into complacency. Well, even indulgence. Our days and lives bear testimony to unwise choices, lethargy, base intentions and animalistic behaviour. We can always correct ourselves tomorrow, right?If we are forced to live out our days again, and again, and again—think about it—which day would you actually choose? I am not answering that question for you.If we are forced to live out this life again, and again, and again—think about it—what changes would you make?Perhaps this is what I have to learn when I see myself repeating the same mistakes. I would stop making them when I have learned enough how to avoid them. It’s like a frequent rider swerving past a pothole on the road. You know it’s coming your way, and you know precisely how to avoid it. Yet, a moment’s distraction can lead to the mistake recurring.Just not mistakes. This is true even of every single choice we make. Healthy food versus junk food, sleeping in versus working out, choosing our careers, choosing our life partners, the list is endless. We are perhaps living out every confusion and every decision, until we are fully clear and capable of exiting the loop.The wise call this moksh, or enlightenment. The otherwise see it as a mere glitch in their daily programming.

Leave the Loop

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