All my friends think I am a nerd for not going to clubs and partying with them. They call me names, and it really hurts me. I don’t mind going, but I don’t feel like I belong there. What should I do?- Isha Parmar, New Delhi

Question

Accepted Answer

Dear Isha,It may feel isolating sometimes when we are not part of a group, and we may question our self-identity. While it may not be a pleasant choice to always make, it is definitely very important–the choice between wanting to belong and wanting to be true to oneself. The unpleasantness of the choice arises when there is a conflict between the two, and you are struggling to balance them.This conflict may happen not only with the above question but with any other area of your life. Let us look at a few questions to ask yourself for you to get clarity on how you can deal well with this conflict. 1) Would I be happy following my friends every time they go partying or to a club?2) Would I feel comfortable with myself after I have gone with them?3) Am I comfortable while spending time with them?4) Is their presence in my life helping me grow as a person?5) Do we share other interests?6) How would my life be if I no longer belonged with this group of friends?7) Can I make new friends who share similar interests to mine? When we start thinking about the above questions, we will have answers from within about how to deal with these conflicts and with deeper clarity, and we will make choices that make us happy.In the Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 3, Verse 35, Sri Krishna tells Arjuna ‘shreyan swa-dharmo vigunah para-dharmat sv-anushthitat swa-dharme nidhanam shreyah para-dharmo bhayavahah’. It is more enjoyable to be ourselves than to pretend to be someone else. The duties born of our nature can be easily performed with stability of mind. The duties of others may seem attractive from a distance, and we may think of switching, but that is a risky thing to do. If they conflict with our nature, they will create disharmony in our senses, mind, and intellect. This will be detrimental to our consciousness and will hinder our progress.

Choosing Friends Without Losing Yourself

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